It was easy to hide behind a label. Introverted. She was introverted. She felt uncomfortable in a sea of people.
Worship was awkward at first. She was distracted by others, wanting to fit in but feeling awkward about fitting in. The most she did was clasp her hands, though often at home during personal worship she reacted physically to the words in her mouth and the song in her heart. But as time went on, she realized anew that she was there to worship Jesus, not herself. She was there to leave herself behind and focus solely on the Cross, worshipping with other Believers, not next to.
She raised her hands to the heavens and sang from the inside out.
She forced herself to pay attention to the words, no matter how desperately she wanted to find the harmony to an elusive melody. She prayed that God would drive away the distractions, that she would look into her heart and see all that Jesus had done for her. She prayed that she would not be consumed by worries but by Jesus.
And the Spirit moved.
She watched as friend after friend made their way boldly to the stage, heads bowed in submission to their Savior. She felt the Spirit move for her to pray for them. Go up with them. Examine your heart and see that you are divided. Know that you need this moment to come back to Jesus. But. This time. I want you to pray for your friends. Pray for them. Go up there and pray for them.
She balked. She was in the second row of chairs and immediately voiced an excuse, I’m basically already in the front. I can stay here and pray by myself.
No. Go place your hands on your friend’s shoulders and pray for them.
But I’ve never done that before. I’m uncomfortable with that.
Yet the Spirit continued to pull, and she realized she could not fight Him. So she went. She let herself drown in the presence of God. And she realized how wonderful it was to bask in His glory, joining so many others as they broke down crying together in awe of God’s mercy towards them. Citizens of Heaven. His people. His sons and daughters.
She witnessed hearts break and return to Jesus. She watched the Spirit pour forth Scriptures from His servants’ mouths. She felt the love, the uniting love of Christ, surround them there. She watched a father shed tears of thanksgiving over his daughter. She watched a people come together as one because of Christ’s sacrifice. She watched tears fall to the floor. She heard voices cry out to their Father. She felt her own tears slide over her cheeks and land with a quiet splash at the feet of Jesus. She heard the entire crowd sing it is well with my soul.
There, in a sea of people, she lost herself to Jesus.
I lost myself to Jesus.